大きな声でがんばれ！がんばれ！

location: IUP

mood: pissed off

music: "傻傻的勇氣" - Venk

Okay… so today was a rather frustrating and in truth I’m still kind of pissed off over everything.   For those e that don’t reside in Bodyworx housing, apparently last Thursday night my roommate (aka Skank 1) and her friend (Skank 2) hand some form of a party and got busted the next morning for putting a hole in the office door which turns out was done by one of the party guests. So as punishment the two of the them were to be thrown out of the living agreement, thus putting them out of the Bodyworx housing however… When you have a landlord like Mr. White chances are that won’t ever happen. He never does anything that’s going to either cost him money or make him lose some money. He’s never going to do anything to anyone for breaking any kind of rule. 

I’ve put up with so much shit from Skank 1 and I’ve had enough. Anyways I came back to school today only to find the specific sign that I made just for my roommate to read and NOT TOUCH, had been ripped in half and only that single half remains on the door on my closet. Meaning that bitch is too dumb to read and fully understand it. When a sign says something like “Don’t touch my shit!” in big bold black letters and an angry face you think she would read it and be done… Oh not this idiotic skank she rips it in half and leaves the other half still hanging? O.o seriously this is college not high school. I do not touch your shit you keep your fucking hands off mine. Also what the hell was she doing on my side she has glasses so I know she could read from far away, it’s not the letter weren’t big enough.

So yeah after getting angry that she was indeed on my side once more fucking with shit the landlord and his wife, who cleans up after us, walk in and tell me that they’re going to have me move to room 11 which is skank 2’s room, lord knows what she’s done in there. -.-  However get this… Skank 1 and Skank 2 aren’t even getting kicked out for the fucking party after they got caught? Seriously he makes no sense at all and secondly what happened to skank 1 moving into a room of here own? Now I’m moving out and her buddies moving in? O.o something just doesn’t make sense at all.

Don’t get me wrong I’ll be more then happy to get the hell away from her, in the sense of sharing a room with her because I can’t stand her stupidity and her falling out hair. >.< But I don’t see why I have to move I already paid in full for this room for the next semester and I handpicked this room first.

I’m tired of bitches in my life always getting what they want when I’ve never done anything at all. It makes me so mad just like the time in Japan when everyone wanted us (Kristi & I) to switch rooms to make Princess Alisha happy. Letting them stay is just going to be a big fucking mistake and I’m mad as hell that I have to move all my fucking shit to another fucking room. If people just thought I was angry you’re dead wrong I’m fucking pissed and sick of fucking people who always have to have their way by whining and complaining to mom and dad. This is college Mom and Dad aren’t here to babysit you and pull you out of the water when it gets too high. Learn to think and save your own fucking asses next time.

location: IUP

mood: frustrated

music: “Bowling Ball” – Superchick

Why is as we go through life we’re contently fighting with ourselves for our own happiness?  When I look at my life right now compared to how I was about five to six years ago I realized that I was a lot happier back then.  Maybe it’s because I was so young and naïve and didn’t think that anyone would ever hurt me. However ever since that time when my world came crashing down in 2004 I’ve changed drastically.  I’d love to be the random spazzy girl in the past that didn’t have any problems with the world that looked forward to each day. Back then even though I rarely smiled due to my personal embarrassment towards my braces I believe I was a lot happier. Nowadays I smile a lot people actually tell me I’m all smiles and then when they see me they think I’m that girl that’s always bright and chipper about everything when in truth I’m not. I’m just a good pretender. My life right now seems like it’s just come to a dead halt and the world is moving all around me but nobody really notices the girl with the smile on her face. They all believe she’s fine, that she’s never sad, angry, or lonely.

If you were to go back further in my past you’d learn that I never really had the best of friends nor did I have a lot. Every year in school I always experienced a loss of a friendship sometimes due to being hurt by them to the point of no repair and then the loss through death.  Mainly of these pains were what I expected every year from my friends so I always pretended like it was really nothing, however every time I lost a friend I felt myself going back into the darkness of a dark room where no one could hurt me.

Not only that but I also had some self hate towards myself for not being pretty enough to catch anyone’s attention. Some people say that I ‘m shallow but if you thought what I said about your personal appearance was bad what do you think I tell myself when I’m alone?  Anyways in my younger days my looks was the least of my concern and every time someone hurt me I would forgive them. The was my undoing, every time I forgave I was just cut deeper and deeper by the people I thought where my friends and truly cared about me.  

I’ve been raised to never do anything that could possibly get me into any trouble however sometimes I just wanna Crash and do things on the spur of the moment and just have fun. However my own personal thoughts on the matter tend to stop me before I even start.  I’m so lame and dull.

I often times find myself falling for people by first sight which is one of my major downfalls it’s only happened once in truth. Have you ever wished that in the instant that other person saw you they dumped the perfect model they were with all because they saw something in you that made them want to get to know you better than anyone else?  I wish this often but that’s just my wishful thinking. So far in my life the only the only think love has caused for me and others is heartbreak and pain. I’m tired of the movies with all those happy endings because let’s face it nothing ever ends like that. No one is ever truly happy because we’re constantly wanting more and needing more.  If I’m wrong then please by all means prove it.

I live a lifetime of regrets and yet I’m only 19 years old. I guess I’m just pretty tragic eh?